Rusty takes the little people home.

I know I'm not the only one, not happy about this.

sleepy dogs

The convertible vehicle presents many threats to our childrens. One of them is their ability to run them right over. Here a successful interior design consultant enjoys the wind rushing through his hair, on his way to Aldi. However, as he makes his way he see what he thinks is a shining yellow star. He takes this to be non other than the angel gabriel, pointing the way to the birthplace of our saviour jesas christ.
This is NOT the the angel gabriel though. It is infact a childs balloon and that child is sure to taste the sugary chrome of his bonnet.

MOLES

This is the original plot to Avatar. At the last what have you James Cameron opted to scrap the mole shooting premise and adopt the blue men in a forest stategy.

XMAS BOX

He appears, an effervescent gem, a sparkling warrior from the realm of goodness. Limahl, light as candyfloss, riding on a carpet of a thousandty lazers. Filling the sky with gold as his glitter jumper juxtaposes perfectly against the seemless, figure hugging, velvet pyjama bottoms.

"I am here children", he exclaims, hovering to the floor of John Lewis, kissing the polished furniture dept. with his immaculate feet. None shall know of this day, but the precious few who bare witness to my beauty. As he spoke, dazzling beams of starbrite magic shot from his hilights. The shopkeepers gasped at this shimmering prince. "Prince of lazers".

LIMITED EDITION

Jennifer would get lost in her own thoughts. Perhaps it was those autumn days when the golden leaves NERKED across the path and she wrapped up all cosy in her NERK knitwear. As she fed the birds at the old NERK her sweetheart Colin arrived on his NERK vespa. She was sure with Colin it was indeed the 'real thing' NERK.
She loosened her scarf ready to kiss NERK on the lips NERK when she noticed Colin was NERK dressed as a BIRD NERK. he dismounted and NERK VAGINA.

This signed limited edition print is one of only 4 and is for sale here only for what is probably a limited time and so on.

BIG WOBBLERS

I can never be arsed posting now. I conserve all my trying to be funny on twitter instead which takes less effort.

Finger Lickin Soylent

New romantic crisps

As usual Simon le bon is getting irate waiting for the other Duran Duran's to get the crisps, sherbert and dairylee from Asda. He can never get parked near the entrance so prefers to hang around the entrance with the engine running. Unfortunately the one with the highlights says they've moved the crisps aisle again so they got lost.

Bad news though for 'little duran' as he's had himself a little accident. Luckily the duran brothers always wear plastic duds so any accidents during gigs can be easily cleaned up afterwards. These boys didn't get 40 number 1's without a few smarts here and there.

Good lad duran, GOOOD lad. eh? EH? Do you want the stick Simon? DO YOU? Does he want the stick? Does Duran duran want the stick ? EH? EH? eh?...GO ON THEN

GOOOOOD LAD

Blessings from Mentos, God of smurf meat

Thursday, the air carries the stench of scorched rubber. Rubber from the Wheels of the blue guy I said beforehand. He rides on the crest of his golden (and yet not coloured-in) portable throneule. Graham, Michael and Steve kneel, cowering before that which they are really scared of. "I AM MENTOS. WHERE IS THE BABE?"

Susan brought foreth her newborn. She hesitates in view of the thrashing jaws of Mento's blessing gland or tongue as it is known to the lamen. "Hesitate not, Susan. This is the cornerstone of our primitive civilisation. Mentos must bless each child with his powers of licking", said Steve. "I'm bloody doing it", replied Susan, adjectively.

Mentos shook the heavens with a roar and gestured that he was ready to administer licking.

The rest of this story will be spoken by a talking hologram of Walt Disney, here :

Walt Disney, hologram

Uni-car : banned in Holland

Right Up

What a jolly adventure the victorials had. Here they are enjoying the golden hue of the africal sky. The one with the hat is known amongst his gentlemenly friendlys to be the only owner of a clock balloon in old London town.

I have used 3 types of colouring-in to make this period drama. This story was going to continued but has been cancelled, burned, urinated-on and the ashes tossed into a pit of rabid wolves.

This was done simply as a lesson to myself not to fiddle around too much. That'll show me.

Johnny Noire

The nights would soak up the filth during that summer. Out of sight, out of mind, thought Johnny. Sure he was the best but he wasn't a guy looking for medals. Every chance to take it easy and enjoy a coffee by the old diner was worth its weight in bad money.

He took a load off by a park bench and lit his cigarette. Sat next to him was a heart swallowing red head with knees all the way up to her face. She was a swell broad, make no mistake and this was no chance meeting. Johnny had her pinned since the station. She would get to know him soon enough. Sure as the advance paycheck from his anonymous client was burning a hole in his pocket.

Hey there sweet teets, your old man says yous beans rubbin up every zoot toot in town. Hows bouts weez gets a shake in a shimmy and talk straight noise. Sorry bub, she scoffed. You ain'ts got note ticket ont tis classy t-dame. Why don't ya takes a woork n get yis own cwoofeeee.

Its only Noire town Johnny thought. Thats just how it swings in Noire town.

Bang Out Of Order No.4

Once again, there really is no need for this. This really isn't on. "Boxof" knows what I'm talking about.

Keep it clean

Tony's cats

Tony considered many factors before deciding which of the kittens would make it through the elimination process.

Mind Honey

The return of the lazy old stuff

Bread Lady

You look for your huge bread everywhere, only to remember you left it on your head.

The Anti-Santa

Santa's best trick is to persuade you that he doesn't exist.

Horror Monologue

Only Marlon Brando could have described the kind of images I have collected in my secret directory of internet drawings. Not MY works you understand, but examples of abstract madness that are devoid of interpretation. I could never and WILL never reveal these on this blog as they are the foul spoils of my internet travels and no-one deserves to be exposed to them all at once.

However, please enjoy a few of the more digestible ones. I have entitled them "I love my family", "Night Sniffer" and "Fox in Underpants".

shock and awe

The day certainly took an UNEXPECTED TURN when Malcolm discovered a popular gentlemens club in his pants. In an ironic twist he also learned he wasn't a member.

One could almost arrive at the conclusion that this could be regarded as an humerous event but that would be presumtuous, to say the least. "Why am I a slightly off-brown", thought Malcolm.

cleft

The feller with the moustache is waiting for a connecting train. Perhaps he awaits a story of high adventure. Perhaps he will one day wear the crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow. His story may be told.

Biscuit Mate 5000

Biscuits are enjoyed by literally billions around the world every day. But the idea of making biscuits actually IN the home has long been a far off dream. Due to the large, high compression systems that biscuit making requires, not to mention the complex sequence of "raisin tunnels" that they must be fired down at intense speeds it has sadly meant "biscuit fusion" in the home has been a concept of mere science fiction.

Well no longer! Bringing that dream one step closer to reality is the "Biscuit Mate 5000". A fully operational biscuit processor and fruitioner that can be easily integrated into the living space of your home **

We are confident that with some small sacrfices to your day to day life such as the noise created by it's 3 Rolls Royce jet engines and the intense temperatures that are generated by its internal furnace. Don't concern yourself with these details however. Soon you will be impressing your friends and relatives... maybe even your husbands boss! You'll know you've made the right decision when you see their faces as they enjoy your HOME MADE BISCUITS!

Welcome to the future.


** The Biscuit Mate 5000 requires a ten by ten foot hole to be cut into your house to allow the Bicuit Mates array of chimneys to discard the deadly toxic fumes into the sky.

In time for Christmas

I can't go for that, no can do

I was listening to Hall and Oates when I drew this.

DID YOU KNOW: that the popular song "I can't go for that" features a clip-clop, horse hoof percussion instrument, usually only found in primary schools. This is a fine example of the rare instrument played by many but mastered by few.

Except by horses obviously. There's surely some kind of gag there linking horses back to Hall and 'Oates' but I'm not man enough to be the one to construct it.

fgffgfghfghf

By Heck Lad

The X-Men might have gone to a fancy school to develop their extraordinary abilities but these lads are the salt of the earth. At an undisclosed location in Yorkshire the Heck Men wait for the call to aid anyone who needs something done that most people don't want to have to do. They are unparalleled in their super human powers that allow them to perform mundane, depressing, soulless tasks with great speed. No doubt to provide the lives of the better off with all they need so long as they don't have to watch these scruffy types do it for them.

But the Heck men don't mind. They know their place and their not afraid of a bit of hard work. All they ask is for a thrupenny bit, a pint of ale and a fight at the end of the week. They are cock-strong and head-sure, ready to show them soft, southern X-Men how to do a proper days work, AND be thankful of it. heck! ....heck! .....BY HECK LAAAAAADS!!!

dirty ways

This is nothing but an effort to be random. Clearly no posts for numerous yonks. This could be due to me stressing about the prospect of fathering a humanoid within a matter of two months.
Nothing to laugh about yet it seems.

Deliciousnia

Poor Simon suffers from a rare disorder that causes him to be delicious. He certainly doesn't want to be part of the wednesday picnic. He desperately seeks exile with anyone who can resist his tempting aroma.

Motivational Speaker

Don't wear christmas lights in the bath. Television taught me that.

Sweet God in heaven, don't look in the box!

If you cross your eyes when you look at this, 3d words appear saying "salad is for wimps".